I held the phone in my hand and looked around the bathroom, where I was sitting after Ben told me and I said to him “You have to be kidding”in complete disbelief, he paused a bit and said “I wish I was”. I started mumbling involantarily about how this couldn’t be happening. I broke down Crying uncontrollably and hung up my phone, fell on my knees to the floor and sobbed. I screamed “No no no”, over and over holding my head in my hands…. This couldn’t be real. I felt like I was going crazy.

Is it real? is she really gone...

I can’t be at home without staring out the window like I’m waiting for something. I look for her when I’m walking around outside, or anywhere in a public place.. I wait to see a glimpse of someone who looks like her so I can almost see her again. She's the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last before I fall asleep. I only knew her for about two years, but I knew her well nontheless. She was considered one of my closer friends, though she lived thousands of miles away. I would often go to her for advice and for comfort with serious situations, as we shared some through E-mail and phone conversations.

I keep thinking of Justin, sitting alone. Going about his household duties, caring for her cats. Looking at all her things around their house. I keep thinking about the last time they talked, what did they say to each other...what was she wearing? Who was the last one to see her alive and what did they talk about?

The worst part of this for me, is thinking of how she’s not going to be around to help others anymore, to spread light anymore, to fill a room with energy anymore. She wanted to be a star..she loved raves and parties and nightlife. She loved art and nature...she loved her friends and cats. She loved Seattle, to read and to live. We would talk about going to Ibiza, drinking martinis in the sun and walking on the beach. We were gonna club it up somethin’ fierce I tell you. We were scheduled to meet up at D.E.M.F. this year and hang out out for a whole weekend. This is really something I can hardly fathom, I have never lost a friend before..

I was looking forward to a life where I could have spent more time with you Ann. I should have gone out there last year like I wanted to, I should have stayed home the day after you and Justin spent the night at my house last May. I should have told you that you are someone the world could not afford to lose, and that you and the things you do for people meant more to me than I ever let you know. I should have told you that the entire room lights up when you speak. That you never knew you made my life more colorful in the time you existed in it. That you are a treasure that I can now only go into my memory to unwrap again.

I know now that when I write my middle name, I will smile and even like it. I was going to change it, but it has a new sentimental value.

Now the only way to see you, is when I’m drifting off to sleep. Then we can dance together for as long as we want under the stars, we can plunder those pirate ships, drink our martinis and walk on the soft white sand. I’ll see you again sweet Ann, in my dreams. Until then, please be somewhere you are safe...where there are tons of kitties to cuddle and books and color and light. Where there is neverending techno so good that you can't stop dancing, and from now on whenever I'm dancing, I will be dancing for you.

God I've already been missing you girl, now I'll miss you forever...

Emotion: Seriously crushed..

Beautiful morning today...I hope the sun stays out 'till I get home after I take Lincoln for his oil change.

I had an interview yesterday that went great, the people liked me, they were laughing and joking with me through most of the questions that were asked. I like the "What would you do if there was an emergency you could not handle at work?" heh heh......here's one, I would stop drop and roll. :). Yeah, that would have been funny if I said that, buuuut I did'nt. I am being considered for two postitions, I liked the general office one best because it would give me a chance to walk the building while I work besides typing on the computer all day. Insurance companies have the LONGEST interviews I think, this one also took three hours, like the Northwestern one.

I am hopeful, but I am still applying to many other places soooo, if something I like better comes along, I will take it.

I also have another interview at The Employment Place, LLC in Brookefield next week Thursday at 3:30. Can't wait to get that all in order!! I should have an interview folder or something to keep track of all them.

Ahhh....raisins....MMMmm

Emotion: discontent

Well, last night I was talking to Jose for awhile, we talked about lots of things, got into it a little......got over it.

I found out that apparently there is someone he recently talked to that knows about our situation and that read my journal and told him that I was talking about it it "Script" or code or something. Well, that my be true, but I would appreciate it if, whoever you are, you would please stay out of my business.....he did'nt tell me who it was, and I am going to ask him tonight, and he will most likely tell me. I feel violated and intruded upon, I don't like it when people are talking about my journal entries to others, unless I know they are saying something. I think if I knew who it was maybe I would not care as much, I mean, it could have been someone at the show last weekend, I don't know. But I am not comfortable with that. I would like it if you asked me first, if you can say anything about my journal entry.

I posted most of the posts about my situation in a friends post only, so it was not public, and so it must be someone on my friends list. If you know about our situation and have recently mentioned to him that you saw me say something on line about it, tell me who you are. I will not be so upset if I knew it was a friend on here that I trust, so if you are...tell me, if not - stay out of here.

Now I am going to change my journal to a friends only journal, if any public people are opposed, add me.

Emotion: aggravated

Well, tomarrow it happens. I hope it all goes well and that I turn out ok. I think I will, I am pretty strong in any situation. I know I will live whatever the outcome.

I have not seen Jose since Sunday, so I am happy that I will tomarrow though I will not really want to do much that night. I will probly take it real easy. I am glad he is willing to take care of me the whole weekend.

I miss Jeffy, and my Sara and Pat. I might have a chance to see Sara this weekend.

My stepdad finished doing my taxes, I get like $350.00 back this year which is a lot compared to last year and almost all the years before that because I claim myself instead of putting zero. So I get more of my money every month than most people do out of their checks, personally I don't care if I get more money at the end of the year, I would much rather have more every month.

So it's March and Carrie will have her baby in April....one month away! I am happy for her, though I do worry that she will struggle with finances and such. Last time I went to her house, they did not have a crib....I hope they have one now. I am going to get a care package for her together soon, Talleah and I are going shopping and I plan to surprise her with lots of baby stuff. I don't know what she already has but I am planning on calling her to see what she does not have yet. I wonder what names they have picked out?

Hmmmm.... better get home now...

Emotion: worried

It's been forever since I could hear the sounds of a thunderstorm, spring is on it's way :).

The only thing I worry about is hail, without my garage....my poor Lincoln has to sit out in all the bad weather! and I really don't want to have to pat for fixing hail damage.

The weekend was actually nice, minus Saturday, which was frustrating and saddening. I still have not gotten it done.

I saw that "Up Town Girls" movie, it was pretty good but a little sad, Jose liked it too. We went for a walk Sunday and it beautiful out, it was good to walk around, we went to this store called "Greenfields" and it's sort of a hippie store, lot's of inscence and Budda and Hindi stuff, tie-dye and what not. They also have wonderful jewelery and clothes there, I almolst pulled out my credit cards....but I stopped myself. I think remembering that I have $2000.00 worth of medical bills to pay within a few months got me. *sigh* ah well, shit happens.

I went to a MIAD party on friday, it was awesome! I had such a good time, I think Sara would have liked it. I hung out with John Lee most of the time, it was well worth it. I ate free food and had free drinks there too, it was a MIAD fishy fry.

One thing that always rules about this school is that they hook you up phat with free food all the time. I can't count all the free sammiches I got from this place. And free cookies and Krispy Kremes and everything.

Talleah got yet another animal, it's a cray fish, he is all blue and his name is Cray. Pretty simple.

I don't know of that's how you spell crayfish, but I don't really care.

I am going to get all wet tonight waiting for the bus on Water street. Then I have to get in my car and drive to the banky bank.

Hmmm...it looks like it stopped raining, maybe there is HOPE :).

Emotion: aggravated

I can't believe that I spilled tea on my keyboard today, I was SO pissed off about it. Well, let's see if the spilled-on area works 0.123456789+-*/=.....yup, seems to be in perfect working order, phew. I thought this bitch was done for.

Got alot of doctor bills to pay, approximately 2500.00 bucks in ER bills. That shit really adds up. I am glad I don't have an apartment to pay for right now.

If I play my cards right I can have all of that paid of in two months, I guess I better get on it.

I am not going to the little party at MIAD today because of a shortage of funds, I need that money to pay my bills so I will sacrifice tonight for it. Instead I am going to go to my grandparents house for dinner and to hang out with them, since they rule. My grandma bought me more skirts and shirts and stuff. Yesterday Talleah bought me a beautiful long black skirt with small dark flowers on it, I totally love it.

Woo, I get off at 5 today, I can't wait because I am HUNGRY. My grandma is making Chorizo and something else, I have never had that sooooo it will be a little surprise.

I applied for a job in Brookfield today, I don't know why but I really like the job description, mainly data entry and data processing stuff. It sound like that same thing I am doing now but with much better pay. I don't know about driving there every day though, without the freeway, it's gonna take me ASS long to get there. That's the only thing that will suck if I get a job way out there.

Oh well, I can go bother my Sara at Barnes and Nobles and we will have a party in the back room where she works... HA HA!

I should probly go now, since it's almost time to leave.

C-yuh

Emotion: busy

Had a nice weekend....Jose and I did alot of movie watching and sleeping, well, HE slept alot but I kept waking up on Friday while we were taking a nap. So I hung out with the cat for awhile, the snow kitty :).

Saturday we went to the Milwaukee Public Museum and had an AWESOME time! we went over to the little bug area to see live bugs they had on display and Jose held a cockroach from Madagaskar and a walking stick. They were too creepy for me to hold, so I did'nt want to touch EITHER of them, no matter how much Jose wanted me too. I forgot how much he loved bugs. My favorite has always been the streets of old Milwaukee thing and now the butterfly exhibit has come in also as a favorite. I was thinking though, that the kids that go in their might not treat the butterflies right......I can just imagine a little brat pulling the wings off of one. I swear there were like 12 kids in that little room. I think only a certain amount of people should be allowed in there at a time, but noooo....they would probly let like 40 in there. I saw this poor butterfly that looked so sad.....he was clinging to the net by the window and his wings were all tore up....I saw the others that looked like him and saw that his wings were actually supposed to be much bigger than they were :(. Ohhh....cute grey spotted butterfly. That's it!! lemme at him.....I'll kill the son of a bitch that grabbed him by his wings!

Ahem.....

Anyway, we had a good time all in all.

This week should prove to be pretty entertaining, Tuesday I have a MIAD special artist party in our main building, Wed. At Random with Sara and Friday a MIAD illustration party for our resident senior illustrators, which includes my friend John Ireland, little John or Johnathan Lee. I am mainly going to support him and my other friends that are illustrators. I also heard about a Clamor music festival, which I will also be attending in March, it will be held at bucket works and it only costs $5 to get in.

Good stuff to get my mind off things.

Emotion: exhausted

My bladder hurts, I hope I won't get another infection. Time to self-medicate. Sulfameth, here I come.

I had a nice Sunday night, club was GREAT. Talleah was there and Jeffy and Sara and Tina and everyone. Lockjaw did a wonderful job, and they keep attracting these crazy headbangers. There was one guy who just did'nt quit until the show was done, I wondered if he would be able to stand afterward. Talleah was like "Maybe he'll have a seizure". It was pretty entertaining. I got alot of good pictures this time and I was ecstatic to find out that I could get lots of close-ups easily because they are my specialty. I was actually thankful that the stage is so close to the audience and the ground, it enabled me to get lots of the audience incorporated into the pictures.

Lots of people came up to me, telling me how good Jose was and that they did'nt know just HOW good he was. I told Jose that and he was all proud and happy, my sweet boy :). Awweeee. They got a few offers from people at the show who wanted them to play at their venues/parties in the spring and summer which is pretty cool. I am happy for them overall.

Sunday night was great, I stayed at Jose's house and I was so comfortable it was unbelieveable, I did'nt want to leave. His place was so warm and cozy and I did'nt want to stop cuddling. If I were a kitty, I would have purred.

Monday I played with my hammies after work and Pagan refused to get off of my lap. I think she wanted to eat the hamsters. Bad kitty.

Tonight I am going to Chi-Chi's and bringing Talleah along too. I will probly be there at around 8. See ya'll there.

Emotion: uncomfortable

It's hard not to cry sometimes. Especially these days.

I wish Jeffy was not mad at me, I don't think he has any right to be - I can understand hurt or maybe disappointed. I don't think anyone can be mad at me right now, not with what I am going through, unless I have wronged them or hurt them in someway on purpose. I don't recall doing anything of the sort lately...sooo. I don't know.

I just wish this was all over and I could go to sleep forever.

I would be ok with falling asleep and not waking up, I would not be afraid anymore.

I just keep swimming, but I know soon I will drown. I feel the water getting heavier and heavier and it only lightens when I forget.

I brought Finding Nemo over to Jose's house and we watched it together, he really liked it. I think his favortie was Pearl. Yesterday he and I went to Exclusive and I bought a DVD all about Jim Croche, I LOVE him, his music is so good it's sick. Jose bought one on The Clash, that one was really good too, I like The Clash now. Before I hated that shit, but now I hear it so much, I am starting to like it.

We had grilled cheese and tomato soup, it's the only thing I felt like eating anyway, but it was sooo satisfying. I was fat and comfy after wards. We cuddled while watching our DVDs, which we watched on Jose's NEW DVD palyer! woooo! I was happy to hear that, his good friend bought it for him, it's just a little Toshiba one, but at least it plays DVD's. He already had speakers other than his TV one's, so he really did'nt need a while system, just the player. I however, want either a Sony surround sound system w/DVD player or a kenwood set. It all has to match or I get all upset about it. The colors have to match too, I am going to go with the silver tone thing, instead of the black like I was doing. I like the steel look for my kitchen, I am buying a new stainless steel toaster, micro and blender. Tee hee.

Shiiiinnnyy stuff GOOD.

Emotion: morose

Yeah, this weekend was pretty lazy, I was tired and hungry alot and we were rushed a little. Jose was late for practice Saturday and I went home for a few hours. during the weekend my fishy died, so Talleah went and bought me a new one! he is cute too, I named him Orin. I found out why my other fish died, apparently, the water that goes to the house has a high content of acid in it I don't know what kind but I think that means maybe they should do a water test, it will tell them if they need to have a filter system put in like a Britta water filter, those have proven to be actually very helpful. I know a few people who have them and they all say that it works well, the water tastes better and is cleaner. Given that you maintain it correctly. I did a water test at my home in riverwest and it came out perfect, to my HUGE surprise. I got a little kit sent to me in the mail and I had a fun time using it, like a little game. You put little tablets in and watch the water change color, you can test for iron, chlorine and lead along with some minerals that I have never heard of.

Talleah also bought a huge fish tank for the hallway between our bedrooms, with giant gold fishies in it. They are massive! she says that they will grow to be a foot long from head to tail. Damn. now those are BIG fish. I don't think they are Coi fish, they don't have wiskers or real long tails. I forgot their formal name.

The house is slowly becoming consumed by animals. Yesterday, the two chinchillas were in the bathroom, running around and I had to get ready for bed so I just closed the door and joined them in there. While I was brushing my teeth, they would jump onto my feet and try to climb up the inside of my pant leg. I kept feeling them sitting on my feet. It was cute. They can really jump high, into the bathtub and the sink. If the windows were open they would jump right out - I hope the windows have screens for when summer comes.

I put my hamsters in the hamster balls the other day, I wonder if they really like it, or if they are just trying to get out. I would'nt like it. Maybe I will just build mazes for them to run through instead of the ball thingies. Then I can put treats at the end :).

My boss has not come in yet and he did'nt call ...wooooo!

Today I will go and get Jose's b-day present after work. His birthday is tomarrow.

Damn this cider is good, imma go get more.

Emotion: stressed

Hmmmm.....yesterday I went right home after work and Talleah had the bunny and all the kitties on the bed, one of the kitties swatted at the bunny because it was poking at her ass while she was trying to sleep. Heh, well I can't really blame her for that one.

Jose came over last night before band practice to see me and he ate a little pepperoni pizza and drank his little coffee, he has to have it every day, sometimes multiple cups. I told him that caffine blocks the absorbtion of iron and he is anemic, which means he needs extra iron, so it could be contributing to his tiredness and his aches and pains he has been having for years. I swear if he would even cut down a little, his arthritis would get much better.

I thought he would never show up last night, we were supposed to go out to eat but he woke up a little too late for that so he just ate by me. I was happy to have him with me but I wish he would have stayed longer. I get to see him tomarrow though, I am not sure what time though.

I went shopping last night at like 10, after Jose left. I got six Juicy Juices, two gallons of milk, some dried beans and a box of "Blueberry Morning" cereal and eggs too. I knew Talleah wanted eggs and I got 2% milk for them because that's the only kind they like. I only drink skim, so I got that for me.

I should go and find more food now, since my soup did not quench my hunger....hmmm. Machine time.

Emotion: melancholy

Well, I took the 15 bus this morning from Talleah's tp work, I was 10 min. late :(. Good thing my boss did'nt notice.

The fish I ate for dinner was gross......so now I am looking foreward to eating my yogurt. It's a fruit on the bottom kind, my favorite :).

I don't know if anyone does the Tue. thing at Chi-Chi's anymore, it seems like no one really goes now, I don't know. I am trying to decide what I should do tonight. I really want to get out and go somewhere, I need to get to the bank and the grocery store too. That means I get to see Rachel, haha....I love Rachel. In highschool, people knew her as "Kip's sister". Her brothers knickname was Kip, I guess, though I never called him that. I just called him Justin.

I had a mad migrane yesterday, it hit right after I got gas at Mobil. There were these little rainbows or "blind spots" in my eyes that I always call "Warning signs" they usually appear right before a migrane hits. I like them there, because I know to take aspirin right away so I can treat my headache before it comes. I hate them at the same time, because they block parts of my vision and I can't see well. I was trying to drive with only half of my vision, it was hard, thank god they have stop lights on BOTH sides of the street, otherwise I would have had to rely on watching the other cars for guidance. No wonder why it's illegal to drive if you only have one eye that works.

I feel like going to the Milwaukee Museum, the last time I went there was when I was on jury duty two years ago, I miss it, expecially the butterfly exhibit. You get to walk around in there, surrounded by tons of beautiful butterflies flying all around you. It's cute, cause sometimes they get out and there is a person there who has to catch them if they fly out the door after you. I would actually like to work there with the butterflies, I wonder if they have any openings. I was thinking of starting to work with animals somehow, it would be a big change for me because I have never done it.

Man I can't wait for summer! house hunting and new job hunting will be fun this year I think.

Emotion: mellow

Well I am officially moved out! we had a terrible moving day, everyone was freezing, it was the coldest day of the year so far. Great timing ey?
My landlord told me to be at the old aptartment at 12:00 noon Saturday morning, but she had Carrie there at 7 AM! that was not really fair I thought, since Carrie is in a much more sensitive state than I. Talleah and I did some cleaning on Friday, but we did'nt finish so we left all the cleaning stuff for the next day. I can't believe Lori, I think she was the shittiest landlord I have ever had, no, I take that back......Katz properties. That guy WAS the shittiest landlord I have ever been in contact with. Never move into a building that says "Katz properties" on the side. I don't mean to blacklist them, but they really were unfair to us and many others I know who have rented through them.

I feel bad about not being their early to finish cleaning with Carrie, but Lori told me I had to be their at a totally different time :(. Oh well, it's done with now.

Anyway, life at Talleahs is actually really fun, I laugh my ass off almost every night now, talking and playing video games and shit. She really had a lot of video games and board games too. kids would never be board going over to her house. I am actually getting used to having kitties by me all the time now. Last night Pagan, the girl kitty, came and nuzzled her way onto my lap, she was so insistant on getting as close to me was she could until I was holding her like I would a small baby. I love cuddly kitties!!!! Celeste, the black boy cat likes me a whole lot more too, he used to run away when I would come over, but now he curls up on my lap and stares at me, waiting for hugs and pets. Awwwee kitty LOVE.

This morning I thought my fishie was dying :( he was at the bottom of the bowl, lying under his plant. When I moved the plant, he woke up and swam to the other side of the bowl. I guess I woke him up and I think he was mad at me. Sorry fissie! so I fed him to make up for it.

I think my birdies were the only happy animals in the house this morning. A mad betta, fighting hamsters, sleepy cats and a grumpy floppy-eared bunny made up the rest of them. I guess 7 AM is not the time to play.

Now is the time to hunt for a new home, a little early - but I really wanna get an idea of what I REALLY want out of my house and the area it's in. I was thinking about Bay View and Shorewood and St. Francis, all nice areas that are relatively safe. I am glad I have lots of time to look and make a good decision this time.

I better get going, I gotta give Snapfish my new addy and phone #.

Emotion: relieved

I am ordering from Jimmy John's today and I am going to get the "Italian Night Club" Woooooo!

I so hungry.

AaaaaaH! Kieth from security keeps throwing candies at me! dammit!!
We had a full out war with the candies at lunch today, now they are everyewhere in the office, there's probly one in my cup too. I guess that's what happens when your boss calls in sick. Heh, there will be very little work done today.

My order is placed...oooh savory subby sub, come to me.

Last night was freezing, I went over to Jose's house and slept over there because I only had to be here at 11 AM today, which was so nice, I got to sleep a little longer than usual.

I think I have to sleep at Talleah's tonight because all my shit is over there, my alarm clock , my clothes and everything. All I need to take over there now are my dresser drawers and some clothes and a little bit of food and my bathroom shit.

Man I can't wait 'till all this shit is over with.

Emotion: productive

God am I sleepy, I don't know if I can make it to 4:00.

Last night I took my computer, stereo and accessories to Talleah's house and I showed all her animals to Jose, he really liked them, he held the hamsters and the Chinchillas. I was holding Kai, and he almost jumped on my head! they really do jump alot. Cute aminos.

After going to Talleahs we went to get a pizza from Pepi's, and then over to cockbuster to rent "Hunted", which was a pretty good movie overall. I was so tired after getting booty, eating pizza and watching movies that I just totally passed out. I woke up about three hours later, awake as can be....."It was the soda" said Jose "All the caffine, you're not immune to it like I am". I think he was right, I just could not fall back asleep, I looked around the room and cuddled with him for awhile. The alarm went off and I left from his house at 8:20 to catch the bus since he was DEAD asleep, I missed it, but I caught a later one and got to work at exactly nine. Phew..

Now I just can't wait to leave, if I faint, I hope someone catches me.

Emotion: sleepy

Well, almost time to move all the way in with Talleah, I have two more trips to make and then I am DONE.

I called this place called " WI. Citizen action" because I saw a flyer posted at MIAD saying that they need help with promoting their services. I called and talked to the girl, "Shelly" about the job. Unfortunatly, the hours are 1:30 to 10:00 PM, but the work is really interesting, you go out into the public and try to get people's interest in whatever it is that the group is dealing with. The section that I would be working in is actually of particular interest to me, it deals with promoting health care for the less fortunate and those who just can not afford it, dissability rights and so on. I am interested in human rights and would actually be happy to support the pull for charitable health care. I myself can't get the care I need because I have no insurance, so I am also in the catagory of, for lack of a better word, "Less fortunate" in terms of getting health care. Maybe I should think about it, the hours really suck though, I HATE second shift, I have always been a first shifter and I really did not want to change my ways. But I am really interested in being involved in a citizen action group and it would be a change for me, since I am always on one side of the spectrum, it would be nice to get behind the scenes for awhile.

I will give it another thought and see if it grows on me, maybe some of my friends will have some ideas or opinions on it.

My baby is on vacation this whole week, so he is comming to pick me up tonight after I get home from taking stuff over to Talleahs. It's cool cause I got to sleep with him on Sunday night, which never happens because he works third shift. I was so happy :). And tonight I get to do the same.

I got this cute thing, it's a tea leaf steeper. You put your loose tea leaves in it and dunk it in your cup. It's so cute, it is shaped like a tea kettle and has holes all around the sides. you hole it by a little chain in the top of the kettle so you can dunk it...aawweee. I remember buying it when I was with Daniel in Madison.

I just got done eating my fake chicken strips, and I am now going to go down and get my daily second cup of tea.

Ooooooh ya.

Emotion: contemplative

So I am on my to being done with packing....I need to pack my dishes and under the sink chemicals and then all my books and photo albums and I am finished. Tomarrow I plan to take my birds, coats and some little boxes over to Talleahs. The room is looking good over there, I even have CABLE now....oh man, now I can watch crank yankers and cool medical shows and animal planet.

I just drank some REALLY sweet grape juice - holy shit was that sweet. It's such a dark purple that it's almost black. Well fancy that......gothic grape juice. :)

I don't know how I will get my fishie over to Talleahs, won't his bowl lose all the water riding in the car? someone will have to hold him while I drive. I think Jose will have to do it, or it's goodbye to my cute and beautiful indiga.

I know what I am getting Jose for his birthday.......hee hee, I hope none of this this geta back to him - which it probly won't, so here goes...I am going to buy him tickets to go see Ani Difranco in February. Is'nt that cool? I nice :). It's the best thing I could think of - besides buying him a new guitar. I know his gift HAS to do with music, since he is basically a walking music note with a sex drive :).

Last night I went to eat with Jose and I also went with him to the tanning place in Prospect mall. I did'nt know there were so many thing you can do in the mall there, I did'nt even know that place existed until a few years ago. We had noodles for dinner......they were so good that I saved the rest of them for lunch today.....not like I don't ALWAYS not finish my food anyway.

So I just heard that the Rock Shop burned down! what the hell?? no one tells me these things 'till like four days later. So that means Lock Jaw's show was cancelled. I wonder if they are relocating the show at all, but Jose has not said anything about it, so I guess not.

So I went to that interview and it turns out that I don't really like that mail coordinator job too much, they want you to do way to much with lifting boxes, I don't really want to move from my desk. So I decided not to do it. That other job says they might still call me back, but I don't think it's worth my time to wait on their asses forever, if they call me, they call me. And now I look elsewhere.

Emotion: determined

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the
world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of
mine.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick
your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding
will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest
music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when
your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now
a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements.
And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at
your feet beside the hearth. Though you had no home, I would
rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the
softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you
are my god and I am your devoted worshipper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should
not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I
suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to
romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side,
and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my
life should your life be in danger.

And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to
deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from
you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands
grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -- and I will
leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was
ever safest in your hands.

-Beth Norman Harris

Emotion: exhausted

My weekend was great, lots of cuddling, food and riding around in cars. I saw a one-legged man fall when I was getting food at Apollo's. Damn it was icey on Saturday night, lots of people were slipping everywhere. Good thing it warms up a little tomarrow, it's supposed to be in the 20's at least. It's better than 0.

So I decided to hire movers instead of having all my family and friends do it. They are just down the street from me and it only costs $60.00 a month to store your stuff in a 10 x 10 area. And I don't think my stuff will add up to more than a 10 x 10 area since I am getting rid of my kitchen table and my movie shelf.

I hope they don't break my stuff....I'll totally kill >:(. I have TONS of glass shit in my boxes. Maybe I should take those with me to Talleah's. I know for sure that my antique mirrors, ALL my computer shit and my TV, VCR and stereo are all comming with me.

So I have made a final decision to live with Talleah until July 1st, when I will find a place that I really like without having to rush.

Talleah is so cool to let me stay with her, she has a room for me and everything. I will go over there and help her clear that room out so I can bring all my stuff over. I am pretty excited to live with Talleah, even if it's only for a few months, I'm still pretty happy about it. I get to see all her cute animals every day. Let's see, two chinchillas, two kitties, a floppy eared bunny, fishies, and hammies (Including my hamsters). And I will bring my two birdies and my betta fishie along. I hope the cats won't want to eat them.

I have the busiest week of them all this week, I pack the rest of my stuff away, fill out an application, go to an interview and take some things over to Talleahs.

Tonight I am doing the application thing and then going to Talleahs to help clean out the room she has for me.

Emotion: rushed