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Chrystal Ann Kaminski
surrealkiller
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Explanation of content...
This journal consists of my daily functions, my musings and general thoughts. Read as you wish...

May 2007
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Chrystal Ann Kaminski [userpic]
Paradox effect

Last night I had an interesting conversation with Jose. One of the most dreaded conversations of all. It was about religion, and it lasted almost four hours. It really is a useless conversation to have sometimes, because no matter what, niether of you will budge and it just goes around in circles. I don't really care what relegion ANYONE is, I just care that they care about me, and I about them.

It was interesting though, to see his point of view, he is a very half-assed christian. He does not believe you have to go to church to pray or to believe in god, and I respect the aspect of him believing on his own terms, but at the same time I think if you are part of a religion it's either all or nothing. I don't think you can be half-assed and still do your religion justice. I guess you don't HAVE to it any justice, but then why even follow it if you allow yourself to stray from it's teachings? I told him that I would like to believe in something other than myself sometimes, but in all reality, myself is all I will ever have. I know I am here, I don't care how I got here, I just want to have fun and love people and learn and experience everything I can before I die. When I die will be the only time I will care what is really out there, if anything. I don't bash people who believe there is a god, I respect that they have some sort of faith. But I don't believe in pushing religion of any kind, or chastizing others if they have a different faith than you, or none at all.

Last night Jose did bring to my attention that I am not an athiest, but I am agnostic, because I do believe that there could be some kind of force influencing us from another realm. There COULD be, I never said there WAS. If anything, the closest religion I come to is a worship of nature, I believe that we all come from nature and that we are one with it. One with everything around us. But there is also a very hard headed side of me. I believe that I am my own god, that I can make anything happen if I want it bad enough and that I make my own fate. I believe I am in complete control of myself. And I have been able to prove it. Whenever I want something, somehow I always get it, in one form or another. It used to happen opposite when I was little, but it's quite to the contrary now. For example, when I was in high school I wanted lots of money and I wanted a good job, and I knew I would get it. I quit the job I was at before going to Germany and when I came back, I went to apply at an insurance company across the street from my house.

I got the job without an interview, I got to request what I wanted to get paid AND I got to start right away. That was the best job I have ever had, two years later I saved up enough money to buy myself the car I wanted and I STILL have it, I bought a computer AND I paid for a summer semester at MIAD all without any help from anyone else.

And there are many other things that happen the same way all the time. If I want it bad enough, it always comes to me. And it only started happening like that when I quit being christain and waiting on god for everything and taking it into my own hands. I learned that I had more control over my life than I thought. And I used that to my advantage.

People say that it sounds like I have some satanic beliefs, and I would agree that I do believe in self worship to a point, but not to the extreme. I am not vain enough to be a satanist.

I am hungry enough to want a taco though, I should go over to Jose's house and we should get taco's tonight.

Emotion: apatheticapathetic
Comments

Jose and Robbie could hang out together. I swear Robbie could eat Mexican every other night, and on the opposite nights he would eat pizza.

As far as the God thing goes- I have never really gotten what I wanted without really really hard work. And even then I didn't always get what I wanted. And these days I feel as if I need to work harder, too.

Yeah, there are alot of things I had to work hard at getting still, and I still do. I don't mind it, I love the feeling of accomplishment it brings :). I almost would rather have things happen that way. It's cool to hear that you work hard, I respect that in people very highly.

Hmmm... Robbie ey? Is that your man? you should post pic's so I can see what he looks like :).

I don't have pics to post. But he is on a website for the band he plays bass in.... he's not really photogenic ( neither am I- I look heinous in some pictures) but he really is a cutie.

thanks for the compliment! What I am working hard on these days is my Mary Kay business- and it is really paying off. Plus I love it.

Cool, I did'nt know you did the Mary Kay thing!

So are you gonna get a pink Cadillac? that would rule!

I am going to get one, someday. That would rule. I would rule!!! ah ha ha ha ha. ahem. ok.

..."...It was interesting though, to see his point of view, he is a very half-assed christian. He does not believe you have to go to church to pray or to believe in god, and I respect the aspect of him believing on his own terms, but at the same time I think if you are part of a religion it's either all or nothing. I don't think you can be half-assed and still do your religion justice. I guess you don't HAVE to it any justice, but then why even follow it if you allow yourself to stray from it's teachings?..."...

...so you and i are the same in the fact that we are agnostic...

...but you are a bit off...

...in the sense that you are judging his faith...

...and that is quite rude...

...because now it appears that nicole is the same way and i respect it...

...far more than i do when people beat thier beliefs onto you and Have to go to church every weekend and HAVE to this and that...

...i believe that organized religions are all wrong...

...i believe the bible has teachings we ALL acn learn from, but not in the sense that you HAVE to live your life by supposed "beliefs"...

...it's better if it's taken as an "idea"...

...an idea of what you should do is easier to change when you learn along the way, but a belief is not as easy to change - since you are supposedly changing "what you believe in"...

...faith is a funny thing - i say it's good if you just have it...

..."...When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up..."...

- selma hayek as serendipity in dogma

Well, I am not the only one who said that he is a half-assed christian, because he said that to ME first. He admits it, and I agreed with him.

He said "I guess I'm a half-assed christian" and I said "I agree".

SO I was not really judging him solely by what I believe, but with back up from him. Otherwise, I never would have said that. I just think there are some things you can't believe if you are a christian, you either do or you don't in some aspects of it. It's my opinion though, even if I did say he's half-assed without his consent. It's not rude to have your own opinion.

...hey look - i'm not trying to insult you...

...and i firmly believe that all organized religion is half assed...

...like i said - all that is important is that you HAVE FAITH...

...you would have understood that standpoint if you would have read my entire comment...

..."...It's my opinion though, even if I did say he's half-assed without his consent. It's not rude to have your own opinion..."...

...while it may not be rude to have your own opinion...

...it is to voice it over an open forum like the internet - especially when many others may know who is concerned - now your boyfriend jose, is he also known as joe ramirez - in the band strangest places - shorter than average height, works third shift at a hospital, really really nice guy? - he's a friend of mine - i like him...

I did read you entire comment, but I wanted to reply to the part that made me angry I guess :).

I don't think it's rude what I did at all because it was self confessed by him, and if anyone has questions they should ask anyway. It's still my opinion no matter where I write it, and if people are offended they should ask, one should not have to pussy-foot around to say something. People know how direct I am.

And to answer your question, you got it right! Jose Ramirez is his name :), most people call him Joe, I choose not to because I really like his real name alot more. It's real original to me.

...fair enough...

...*hugs*...

...just wanted to make sure we were on the same page...

...don't need you gettin' mad at me for nothin'...

...it's all just a mess that i don't like to talk about unless i have to - it usually happens when i'm drunk...

...i hate that shit - people starting theological discussions when i'm drinking...

...ugh...

Religion ideally should only truly matter to the person holding the beliefs. People should choose their religion based on the emotions and thoughts a religion invokes in themselves, not because someone says this is the right religion or the best one. Then conversations on religion could be based on what each person's religion means to them, what impacts it has, what viewpoints they have as a result. It can then be an insightful, worthwhile experience for all, likely the source of a long, productive intellectual discussion.

It should not be about debate with the intent of proving someone wrong. It is though, such is life. I do enjoy discussions and debates on religion, though I strongly prefer the talks to be devoid of "well this is best because.." or "you should really be this because..."

Very true, our conversation was very insightful and interesting. We were civil and no one was trying to make anyone believe the other. That is rare when talking about religion, usually, I think I lucked out with this guy. He really showed me how the religion applied to his life and how he came to realize it was the way for him to live. He did'nt preach or try to make me follow "The way" because it's not like that for him, it's much more subdued. I just want our relationship to be strong with our differences pushed aside. As long as we are happy together, I think that's all that matters :).

i beleive in god, not religion. because whos to say whos religion is the right one?

Yes, I agree with you on the "which is one is right" part :).

But me...I'm myv own GOD!!! muuuhahha!!