Chrystal Ann Kaminski (surrealkiller) wrote,
Chrystal Ann Kaminski

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Collapsing like........

Well I had a kick ass time tonight again :) I went to Jeffys and I bought over a cool magazine fom work, it's dated 1929 and it's a porn mag. called PEP heh...the jokes in there are terrible, I remember goes "Dumb Danny thinks that dress rehersal is when the women practic dancing with thier clothes ON"...HAHAHA! yeah...not really. Anyhoo....Jeffy fucked around on the computer and I was hungry so he offered to make something, we had was awesome mmmmm I love steak when it gets kind of bloody n' juicy mmmmmm and I loooove A1 sauce too. Josh came over and we chilled for awhile, by the time I finished my juice box we were ready to go to the movie "Ghost Ship" which was pretty damn good, the cinematography was really impressive. And I got to see Rose and Alli & Mike, yeay! me n' Alli were both scared during the movie, but you all still love us :). I swear every time I looked over at her she was hanging on to Mike's arm, aaawwwweeeeee. Yeah, tomarrow I was invited to go to Brittany's resteraunt and then to Bar Milwaukee with Kyle and Parker, but I already made plans to go to Club, plus Keri is pickin' me up and I never break plans....sorry guys :). I was just thinking....even though I was only with Eliott for two weeks, I miss going over there and sleeping in that little dorm room, having the whole damn building empty, it was just us and that was soo fun. Those two weeks reminded me of what I miss the most about bieng with someone. I miss sleeping in a his arms all night.....*Closes eyes tight*.....that was my favorite part. It has not been hard to sleep alone for years until now. I just miss it. I would curl up on his lap and he would hold me while we listened to music until 5 AM,that was beautiful....I would just listen to his voice with my head on his chest. It would put me to sleep. Whenever I am dating someone or want someone, I have this thing where I just have to listen to thier voice.....SOmetimes I ask them to read something to me or tell me a story or I ask them a question that requires lots of explaining......*SMiles*.....there is nothing like the sound of the voice of someone you love. The comfort I get from that is amazing. Even though it hurts to remember those things, it also makes me so happy because I know that someday, with someone new, I will have that again. It just pains me to think of how quickly Eliott changed his mind, how can someone just be so happy and then decide it has to end, when it just began? When I asked "What did I do?" he says "It's usually not the other person with me, you did'nt do anything" "It's me". He also told me that his longest realtionship was four months only. "Sometimes" he says to me...."I think I'm meant to die alone". To this day, I have never met anyone so sad, so alone and so difficult to have a realationship with. angel...someday..I hope things won't be so hard for you. For now, I will hold my favorite image of him in my head, we are sitting on the floor facing each other and I slowly touch the side of his face with my hand, he closes his eyes slowly in response. That was the most beautiful image of him I hold.
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