And I should have known better. But I can't help it, I can't stop it and I don't know what to do.
I am smarter than that.
There is nothing I can do, I don't want to talk to anyone about it.
I want to be alone with my thoughts, because they are driving me insane.
And I can't help it - it won't stop.
I am supposed to go to this thing, at Club....umm I don't even know what it is, but it's a little get together for Shawn and it starts at six, I'm not going to be there at six.
I will probly show up a lot later than that, if I even go. I don't know if I am going to either, I might just stay home with Carrie.
I'm just not up to it now, but I might be later.
I would rather just drive around the city - alone in my car, like I used to, it's my favorite thing to do when I am being consumed by personal demons.
Though one time I almost crashed, that was when I lost Logan, my eyes got so foggy I could barely see and it was pouring rain outside. I remember the sound of it on the roof of my car.
I think it would be cool if Carrie and I chilled at home, I could drink my wine I got for my birthday.
My dad bailed on me again on Sunday - he never came. So I see how much I am worth to him.
I feel so goddamn shitty - I HATE my father.
I HATE this.