August 27th, 2003

I'll hide from you...

So you all read Daniels post....

Yeah, I feel like SHIT because of it, ever since I read it, I can't stop hurting and crying. That feeling of PAIN in my stomach is really starting to get to me.

Daniel basically said that I would not be missed and that I am not worth remembering. Even though we were thinking of marriage and even kids at one point right before he left.

He has NOTHING to be mad at me for, I did'nt do ANYTHING to him. All I did was miss him and everyone knows it. Most of you remember when I would talk about how I missed him and how excited I was that he was going to school, I would always talk about him. And yet he thinks I did not appreciate him, and our time together, which I did. I mean, I GAVE HIM MY CREDIT CARD to use for gas for christ sakes! I did'nt have the money to do that. And anyone who knows anything can see that, you would have to be blind not to.

I am surprised by his behavior lately, he gets pissy whenever I say that I feel somehow slighted by him. That's not a reason to get mad at someone, but try to understand them instead, talk to them and try to listen to why they feel so bad.

I know that I will always miss him, I will always love him and I will ALWAYS keep the time we had together in my heart. I keep all my boyfriends with me forever, because they are an important part of my life, they are people with whom I shared my deepest feelings and thoughts with and they were the ones I was closest too.

I need some closeur here and he's not understanding what I need. I am sad because I think he won't remember me. In his post he talked about all these girls that are worth remembering, and I was not included in that list, though I include him in mine. I include everyone. Because all people are worth remembering, I feel and we are all equal in worth as human beings. I guess I am not to Daniel though.

How could he forget the times we watched movies together all night long and ate snacks and had tea and talked? or the that time we cooked together and made the BEST fetuccini in the world complete with the most awesome experiment sauce? and the times we went out to the most beautiful restaraunts in downtown Madison and talked over wine and calamari? I can't believe for one second that he would want to forget the times when he held out his arms to me and I came to him, or the times where I crawled in his lap and laid my head on his chest. I did love him and he knows that.

I never will regret going out with him, in fact it would have been nice to have more time with him, since that's really what I needed when we were together, more time.

Whenever I see an actor he liked or a director he admired, I will always think of him, and when I go to any movie house I will also. He has taught me so much about the film industry that I will keep with me for future referance if I choose to dabble in that field as well. I learned alot of things from him and that will never change.

I just can't believe he wants to forget all that we were, I am still proud of us. Of what we once were.
  • Current Music
    Razed In Black - Damaged
I'll hide from you...


I did NOT come to work, instead I went to the doctor with Carrie and stayed with her all day. I gotta take care of her ya know, she's my roomate and one of my best friends. So I called my boss, and of course he did'nt care. When we got home it was like 5 and I called Jose because he left a message on my machine. He came over and I called Jeffy, Pat and Sara and we made plans to go to Chi-Chi's again. Jose and I drove over to Jeffy's and we all left from there. It was a pretty good time, alot of talk about ORDER and CHAOS, I LOVE that conversation. Gets 'em every time.

Sara RULES. She helped me figure some LJ stuff out and Pat gave me an HTML book for referance. Yeay, I'm a lernin' I am. Yeeee HAW! muuuhaha

Today Jose is going to Chicago to see Billy Idol and then he might come by to see me afterwards :).

I really like this guy, seriously, he pays so much attention to me! I'm really not used to that. He is not in another world when I am talking to him EVER. He also has an amazing memory, like me, he can recall almost every conversation we have had and quote me. I have met my match with memory I think, but Pauly could still beat me at that one, I can't recite ENTIRE episodes of the Simpsons and Seinfeld.

I had a damn good time w/Sara and Pat last night, they gave me this really good pizza with this gooey cheese on it that was REALLY good, I wanna get more sometime :).

I don't know if I will be at club tonight, if I am THAT bored, I will go I guess.
  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed
I'll hide from you...

Sad song...

Your only the best IIIIII eveeeer haaaad..

I don't waaaaaant you baaaack, your just the best I ever haaaaaad....

What song is that? it's sooo sad, Sara I think you should put that one on your sad songs list too.

And there's this jazz song called "Dance with my father" that's so damn saaad. Carrie and I were listening to it in the car and we were both crying by the time the song was over. It's about this guy who is remembering his father when he was little and how he would hold him and dance with him and then put him to bed and give him a kiss. His father died when he was a teenager and the song goes on about how he would love to have one last dance with his father ands how it would mean everything to him to be that child again, dancing. He also goes on about how he felt even worse for his mother, who used to cry every night for her husband....etc. etc. Oh GOD it was just so damn sad!

I have tears in my eyes thinking abou it :(.

"Tears in Heaven" is a really sad song and "Fields of Gold" by Sting makes me cry for some reason.