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Chrystal Ann Kaminski
surrealkiller
.::..::. .. .::.:.:.

Explanation of content...
This journal consists of my daily functions, my musings and general thoughts. Read as you wish...

May 2007
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Chrystal Ann Kaminski [userpic]
Aurora, goddess sparkle...keep her safe.

I held the phone in my hand and looked around the bathroom, where I was sitting after Ben told me and I said to him “You have to be kidding”in complete disbelief, he paused a bit and said “I wish I was”. I started mumbling involantarily about how this couldn’t be happening. I broke down Crying uncontrollably and hung up my phone, fell on my knees to the floor and sobbed. I screamed “No no no”, over and over holding my head in my hands…. This couldn’t be real. I felt like I was going crazy.

Is it real? is she really gone...

I can’t be at home without staring out the window like I’m waiting for something. I look for her when I’m walking around outside, or anywhere in a public place.. I wait to see a glimpse of someone who looks like her so I can almost see her again. She's the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last before I fall asleep. I only knew her for about two years, but I knew her well nontheless. She was considered one of my closer friends, though she lived thousands of miles away. I would often go to her for advice and for comfort with serious situations, as we shared some through E-mail and phone conversations.

I keep thinking of Justin, sitting alone. Going about his household duties, caring for her cats. Looking at all her things around their house. I keep thinking about the last time they talked, what did they say to each other...what was she wearing? Who was the last one to see her alive and what did they talk about?

The worst part of this for me, is thinking of how she’s not going to be around to help others anymore, to spread light anymore, to fill a room with energy anymore. She wanted to be a star..she loved raves and parties and nightlife. She loved art and nature...she loved her friends and cats. She loved Seattle, to read and to live. We would talk about going to Ibiza, drinking martinis in the sun and walking on the beach. We were gonna club it up somethin’ fierce I tell you. We were scheduled to meet up at D.E.M.F. this year and hang out out for a whole weekend. This is really something I can hardly fathom, I have never lost a friend before..

I was looking forward to a life where I could have spent more time with you Ann. I should have gone out there last year like I wanted to, I should have stayed home the day after you and Justin spent the night at my house last May. I should have told you that you are someone the world could not afford to lose, and that you and the things you do for people meant more to me than I ever let you know. I should have told you that the entire room lights up when you speak. That you never knew you made my life more colorful in the time you existed in it. That you are a treasure that I can now only go into my memory to unwrap again.

I know now that when I write my middle name, I will smile and even like it. I was going to change it, but it has a new sentimental value.

Now the only way to see you, is when I’m drifting off to sleep. Then we can dance together for as long as we want under the stars, we can plunder those pirate ships, drink our martinis and walk on the soft white sand. I’ll see you again sweet Ann, in my dreams. Until then, please be somewhere you are safe...where there are tons of kitties to cuddle and books and color and light. Where there is neverending techno so good that you can't stop dancing, and from now on whenever I'm dancing, I will be dancing for you.

God I've already been missing you girl, now I'll miss you forever...


Annjeanine Kathryn Boerger (1981-2007)


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Current Location: In the dark place
Emotion: crushedSeriously crushed..
Serenading me....: My heart breaking
Comments

How? She is so young....

My condolences....

She was rolling at a house party her and her boyfriend justin were having, they split up for a bit to mingle and when he came into the bedroom, she was found on the bed not breathing, no heart beat.

The doctors say she had a heart-attack.

I'm still mystified :(

*hugs* My thoughts and prayers are with you and her friends and family.

I haven't felt right writing about this because I was so distant. I know I only spend one night with her, but it was a good one. I have been thinking about her a lot. And you know we kept in contact through LJ too.

I haven't lost nearly as much as you, or your other friends who were closer to her. I looked at sympathy cards yesterday and today for you, but nothing seemed right, nothing seemed like enough. There's not a whole lot to say.

When my Uncle Phil was killed, I couldn't stop thinking about my Aunt, and how she felt. How she felt when she found him, how she felt at home. I was so upset at the funeral she was asking me how *I* was, which seemed insane. I just couldn't breathe.

I have also been thinking a lot about how reckless I've been (especially in my early 20's).. how many times I've put myself in danger. It doesn't seem fair. She had put so much effort into herself and her education, and she cared so much.

Of course though, life is not fair. Not one bit.


Anyway you already know... call anytime.




*hugs*

Hugs hun. I am sorry for your loss.

I remember meeting her once through Emily..I remember her face...so sad....
I lost my friend Woody a few years ago to Heroin....
I hate drugs. They kill. And they can kill at any time.
Sad sad sad.......
you're in my thoughts sweetie.

Thank you so much...it's been so hard, but I'm doing the best I can to stay focused.

I have a lot of support, so that's helping the most :)

My sympathies...

My condolences.

Re: annie

I think you are right..

*hugz* so sorry about the loss of your friend...she was here on this planet for but a short time...but the impact that she has had will make her presence last lifetimes

S-H
xoxo

This is awefull. Annie was such a lively girl. My friend Shannon and I are old friends of hers and just found out about this tragedy. I heard there had yet to be memorial service in WI for her but one was planned. I'm sorry to pry and I know you are in deep pain, but do you have details about the service?

Thank you for anythig you can give me and I also wish her safety in the afterlife.