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Chrystal Ann Kaminski
surrealkiller
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Explanation of content...
This journal consists of my daily functions, my musings and general thoughts. Read as you wish...

May 2007
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Chrystal Ann Kaminski [userpic]
So.....

Daniel came over yesterday. It was kind of awkward, I mean I have'nt seen him in two months. He gave me a really beautiful birthday present though, it's a statue of two people in a lyrical, standing embrace. It has a very fluid sense of movement, an excellent piece. I was very pleased.

I think I was a little disappointed that he did'nt say anything regarding our relationship, there was no real evidence that he would miss me at all. So I could not help feeling slighted.

I watched him drive away, down the road....the car getting smaller as it crawled further away from me, he turned right. And then, he was just gone. Like that. And that's what it felt like.

I think the statue is a symbol of what we once were, at least, that's what I take it as. I am going to miss him.

I just hope he remembers me.

Emotion: nostalgicnostalgic
Comments
He will

yep, he will. the fact that he thought enough to give you a b-day present is proof of that

Aww, yea he will. he gave you somthing beautiful. obviously you meant somthing to him.

So when are we going on our date to chi chis? huh?
man, i have to work like everyday.
i hate my job.

Yeah, your probably right..

We do have to go Chi-Chi's, just tell me when you have an off day and I'm down :).

I am sorry have we met?........just kidding lighten up a little

I didn't mean to slight you. Remember it was awkward for me too. It didn't seem that apparent that you wanted to talk about our relationship. You seemed happy talking about other things. I thought mentioning the relationship would just make you sad(or sader more apporopiatly).

Take care of you and Lincoln as well as everyone else. I will do what I can to keep in touch. Livejournal will probably help a lot with that.

No, it would'nt have made me sad, I thought that you would want to say some in closing.

I just feel there was not adequate closure for us.

You know I'll take care of everyone here, I always do :).

I don't believe I have ever been in a relationship that has ended with "adequate closure." For me closure came with getting you that statue. If there was something you needed to hear, well, I am not really a mind reader. Why didn't you just ask me what my thoughts were?

Yeah, that's what I thought too. That statue was a beautiful gesture and I thank you very much.

I thought you would'nt want me to ask you about what your thoughts were because you did'nt seem interested in talking about our relationship since you did'nt mention anything about it.

I thought one of the main reasons I came out was so you could acquire for more imput(besides the present). Didn't you also think that I didn't care about your Birthday?

Yeah, at first I thought you did'nt care, I know you did now. That day, I thought you would have wanted to maybe go somewhere and eat or have tea maybe. But you looked at the clock and it was like 6 and you said you had to go. I thought you would have wanted to stay longer to say goodbye.

I thought that since you wanted to leave so fast, maybe you were'nt interested in getting into a deeper conversation so I kinda gave up, I knew you had more important things to do at home probly. Most people,
when they say goodbye usually say how they will miss the other person and that will always rememeber them. I have been saying that kind of stuff for awhile, but I never heard it from you, so I figure that you don't feel that there is anything about me you will miss...

Just forget about it, it does'nt matter anymore. We will never be what we once were again. I can't help the way I feel about it, I will probly always feel that I was pushed aside. It happens, and I have moved on.

What do you mean "Good?" I mean, you don't have anything to say to me? you won't miss me or anything? I said I will miss you many times, but I never heard any of that from you, how can you just throw away five months of a realationship and act like it was nothing to you when I KNOW it was.

Your post the other day, I thought was childish. You obviously know I was going to read it, saying how you won't miss me (between the lines).

Daniel, I am hurt and you are not understanding what I need from you....we have not gone over a lot of things that we should have before you left, but niether of us did.

Our realationship was important to me, and it was to you too, we were happy for a long time, I don't understand why you are bieng so mean to me. Why when I tell you that I am hurt and sad, do you just turn the knife and further the pain by saying I did not appreciate you when KNOW that's not true? and saying I am not included in the people you will miss...THAT was low, I can't think of anything lower, and niether can ANYONE else who read it. People keep reminding me how bad that was to say something like that and I did'nt even think about it 'till people talked to me about it. And I realize what they mean.

fact

All "Good" mean't was I am glad you moved on. Nothing more nothing less. I never said I will never miss you. Those are your words. If I listed everyone I was going to miss I would still be typing that post.

You like a lot of people seem to have forgotten that my mother passed away when I was nine. So no matter who you are alive or dead. I will never miss you as much as I miss her. That's the way it is. I typed about those other girls because at that exact moment that was what I was thinking. Do you honestly feel like you can look inside my head all the way from Milwaukee and see what it is I am thinking all the time? If not, I think It takes a lot of nerve to be that presumptous as to think all of those things and then to rant about it to everybody like that. You are not the only person with feelings...

Well, I never said you were not supposed to miss your mother, I was not even talking about her.

But they way you wrote things was not exactly clear, me and everyone else thought your post was an attack on me, saying, to put it in Sara's words that I was "Not appreciative enough to be in your glorious presence". She talked about it with me and the post did'nt bother me until other people started talking about it, saying how bad it sounded. And all I could do was think of that and it did kind of make sense.

Your wording of everything was not direct enough I guess, for me NOT to make the assumption that you were not happy with our realationship. I have always had a problem trying to understand the way you write on the computer, as the others do too. I am taking this as a big mix missunderstanding, but don't patronize me until you look at it from my point of view also. If you read that and put your self in my shoes, already feeling insecure about the situation, it WOULD sound bad.

And I am EXTRA sensitive right now since I feel threatened. All I wanted is for you to say you will miss the times we had together and that everyonce in a while you would think of me. I will always love you.

If you want leave at that I am ready to move on. Good bye friend.

Sure, I think I am ok now....

Glad to hear it. Talk to you later.