Chrystal Ann Kaminski (surrealkiller) wrote,
Chrystal Ann Kaminski

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Where did the sun go?

No more sun :(. Well..... poo, maybe it will come out later.

Last night I went to Jose's house, we rented "Rosemary's baby" from cockbuster and ate hamburgers. Man, that movie is creepy as hell, it's really good though, it was directed by Roman Polanski and all the movie's I have seen by him have been amazing in one way or another.

I did'nt want to leave my boy last night. He does not know how important he is to me yet, I don't think. Soon he will know. I wonder what kind of things I would write if he were on LJ too. I bet they would be a little modified. I hate when I do that, I am often afraid of what people will think when I say something about them. I should not be afraid.

I have this anxiety with our relationship right now, I feel like I am no special enough or something, inadequate if you will. I don't know what he is really thinking I guess.

Last night I had a dream that Jose and I were standing on the MIAD riverwalk and we were facing each other, he was standing on the stairs and I was on the deck part. He said to me "Chrystal, you're my baby, you know that........don't worry" he said, very softly with a compassionate smile. I felt all the inadaquate feelings I had completely vanish and this warm, loving feeling wash over me and I exclaimed with a huge smile "Really!?" and I walked to him and we hugged and I woke up.

That dream made me so happy, I was sad to know it was only a dream.
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